Video Breakdown of the Week: Newt Gingrich is “Really Puzzled”

Newt Gingrich doesn’t know what a smartphone is and he made a video to talk about it. Below is a moment by moment breakdown.

0:00 - The setting: 1994 in 2013 High Definition.

0:01 - 0:03 - “We’re really puzzled.”

0:04 - “Here at Gingrich Productions…”

WAT?

Tell me more about Gingrich Productions:

Gingrich Productions is a multimedia production company based in Washington, DC, featuring the work of Newt and Callista Gingrich. Together, Newt and Callista host and produce historical and public policy documentaries, write books and newsletters, give speeches, record audio books, produce photographic essays, and make television and radio appearances.

Jay and Bey better watch out. Okay… back to the matter at hand.

0:05 - 0:07 - Newt holds up a smartphone and says, “We spent weeks trying to figure out, what do you call this?”

Wait… weeks? What research methods are they using over at Gingrich Productions? Just ask anyone under the age of… let’s say, 70. Do you know any, Newt?

0:10 - WHY THE F*CK IS YOUR SCREEN SO GREASY, DOG?

0:10 - 0:11 - “You probably think it’s a cell phone.”

Don’t tell me what I think.

0:17 - 0:21 - “But think about it, if it’s taking pictures, it’s not a cell phone.”

Anybody thinking about it? No? Let’s continue then.

0:22 - 0:29 - “If it has a McDonald’s app to tell you where McDonald’s is, based on your GPS location, that’s not a cell phone.”

Hold up. What the hell kind of fat sh*t are y’all doing out there? McDonald’s apps? For real? C’mon people. Does it least tell you when the McRib is coming back? Anyway, explains why Newt’s screen is so greasy.

0:31 - 0:41 - Newt shows how tech-savvy he is by name dropping Wikipedia, Google, YouTube and Netflix. Just a few obscure start-ups, no big deal.

Newt knows what’s popping out here:

0:41 - 0:46 - “This device, is something new and different. I’ve been calling it a handheld computer.”

0:46 - 1:07 - “But I decided that really was misleading.”

Then Newt starts talking about something. I’m really not sure. I haven’t recovered from the fact that he’s been calling smartphones “handheld computers.”

1:08 - 1:15 - Newt explains that when first introduced to the public, the automobile used to be called the horse-less carriage because they didn’t yet have a name for it. Newt, who was 46 at the time, thought that was absurd. 

1:24 - 1:25 - Newt finally breaks down and asks America “what to call this” mystical device. This has to hurt his pride. For years, Newt has been walking around with what he believed was a handheld computer, and when he inquired about its actual name, he couldn’t get a straight answer from anyone. So as a last resort, he’s turned to YouTube for help. Better than Yahoo Answers, I guess. We’ve got to start taking better care of our seniors.

1:40 - 1:43 - “This can be on one level, a great health device.”

1:47 - 1:50 - “On another level, it’s a great learning device, replacing every textbook in the world.”

https://kapx.kaplan.com/newtuniversity/

Uh oh.

2:06 - 2:13 - Wikipedia wins again.

2:21 - “Please leave a in a comment, what would you call this? So we can explain to people, that they carry in their hand, literally, the potential to have a dramatic revolution…”